Improvement
The use of non-diegetic sound (droning notes) when the man is attempting to kiss Miss Mord connotes that she is uncomfortable with this intimate moment with a man which suggests she is homosexual. There is a juxtapose next as this droning sound switches to a melody while the shot fades to the woman taking off her dress connoting that Miss Mord is comfortable and relaxed when in the presence of this woman again showing homosexuality. The voice over when the montage is shown on screen is in a soft tone connoting love and affection from Miss Mord to the woman shown beforehand. The use of the voice over also connotes that she has to keep all her feelings towards this woman secret.
How this is an improvement
This paragraph has improved through correct and increased use of terminology. The points have been communicated in a more coherent way with clear and specific evidence to back up my points. Before I improved the paragraph it was difficult for someone other than myself to understand the points I wanted to convey, this may have been because I was rushing to get it finished.
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